Love, Sex and Gayness

Now this is a prickly one!! But I just had to write something about it. People actually wonder why I have no interest in girls. Not that anyone had tried to matchmake me any time recently...but there was this one occasion six years back - it didn't turn out because I think I made an error in expressing feelings I didn't have. It was a painful lesson for the both of us.

Back to the issue at hand. Why don't I have interest in girls? Believe me I have explored this issue over and over. For one, time - I am usually so caught up with work that I rarely hang out with the opposite sex. Even those that I hang out with are 'booked'. I'm also generally shy and introverted, so I don't mix around easily; I also do not have a large social circle. Easy to solve you say? Not in my case. One of my friends assume that I'm a nerd and has no girl-attracting social skills; he could be right you know. How would I know if I turn a girl off? Is it my habits, my looks, my smell, or perhaps my choice of shoes? One thing I do know...it's definitely not because of money.

There's also the issue of whether I'm gay. Well...perhaps. Depends on how you define things. I like the company of guys but it doesn't mean that I am in love or willing to have sex with them!! In the simplistic way, I guess you can label me as gay. But it doesn't mean that I have no interest in girls. Just that guys turn me on more than girls do. Turn me on meaning everything short of sex. No way I'm gonna let any guy put anything in my butt or the other way around. Come to think of it, oral sex may be a different proposition altogether... Of course there is a need to release the built up sexual tension - so I've got this twice weekly thing (you know whatlah); unless of course I get turned on more than usual.

So comes the issue of sex. Friends always ask me whether I'm still a virgin or not. I usually do not entertain these questions - not that it is private, but it's irrelevant in my situation. I believe when the time comes (or has it come?) instinct will take over. No worries there. With my regular 'exercise', I'm sure performance is no problem. Satisfaction for both parties is another issue altogether. That requires practice - after all practice makes perfect!

So far I've got only one friend who is admittedly gay - though I don't think he has come out yet. Neither will I (if in the end I perceive myself to be gay), judging by the amount of discrimination the gay society receives for being 'different'. There's nothing wrong being gay; there's probably a lot more gay people out there than would be given credit for. It's just that they don't profess it openly. Just too bad: a little openess could be a good thing. I'm sure there are a lot of good, kind-hearted gay individuals out there, waiting to be found.

As for me, the question still remains. I'll give it some thought over the coming year and tell you the answer!