Change

I am a person who loves inertia. I am happy with what I have done, what I am doing, and what I am going to do. I'm not the kind of person who wants to try new food, go for the latest fashion or trends, or watch a different TV channel even. I tend to stick to what has been tried and tested for me. Call me boring and predictable: I don't care. Or I used to not care.

But something happened early this year. How and why it happened - I have no idea. Change is necessary. It is built-in. I guess no matter how you fight it, you will never win. I found out, in a nice way I guess.

So I have a new job. A new workplace and new friends and colleagues. A new field of work. It's a breath of fresh air, a challenge and expands horizons; but at the same time it brings dread, misgivings and fear of the unknown. It's a change - but certain aspects of my life and myself are still immobile. I still eat the same food (most of the time at least), hang out with the same bunch of people, watch the same shows, drive the same car and wear the same clothes. I guess what I am will remain what I am. But at least I have changed (or evolved?) to some extent, even though it was not of my own volition. There is some desire in me to change more, but the inertia is strong in me. Maybe I'll have better luck next year? Maybe...

Sometimes I wonder: is change a good thing? I want things to remain as it is because it is my comfort zone; I know I'm not the adventurous type, plus changes make me nervous and unhappy. Perhaps that it is this thinking that had held me back for so long. I thought I was happy living a mundane life - apparently although I was superficially happy, I was not on a deeper level. Now that some aspects have changed I find myself surprisingly yearning for more. Change is both exciting and fulfilling. I want more and at the same time a voice in me tells me otherwise. That battle still rages within me. For now at least.